wake up call

i haven't missed him in a long time. a long time meaning a matter of weeks, but still, that's a long time. now i miss him. ugh. after waking up by myself from a nap that was supposed to be 30 minutes but ended up being 3 times that- things don't always go as planned- i miss him. i miss being able to depend on someone to wake me up and have it done with love, not just obligation, to be woken up with hugs and warmth not just a shout from upstairs. don't get me wrong both work- well usually- but with the former i wake up refreshed and not angry, ready and not just looking forward to the next time i can close my eyes. it used to be if i didn't get up it was my fault for really wanting to stay in my dreamworld- of course dream and reality used to be a little bit more blurred then. i used to like being woken up by someone, there is a comfort in knowing that someone took the energy to watch the clock for you while you were lost in the timelessness of sleep. now i guess i'll hafta rely on myself instead, be the keeper of my own time whether my mind is resting or my eyes are open. too bad i've always had a terrible sense of time. *sigh