My May First 2010

Nerves navigate to
anxious peaks of memory
avalanche awaits

her anxiety
wraps around my mother’s neck
tight and unyielding

her life in boxes
measured by the number of
pills she takes each day

77
years of life whittled down to
one room that’s not her’s

i had to read at the youth speaks staff meeting on monday.i was hella nervous. i had tried writing for the last 2 weeks. but inspiration couldn't be forced. i've tried writing about my grandmother a few times. maybe i'll get past haiku someday. maybe not.
i'm glad the reading is over and i'm glad i had to do it. i got really good feedback from amazing poets. as josh said, the "grunts" of affirmation got louder with each haiku. dennis said he appreciated how i flipped the haiku form making it a series but still stayed true to the form by maintaining that the last 5 syllables be lines of clarification. people could relate, that's always the most validating part. i still hafta come up with one more poem, or another series of haikus, for my last day at youth speaks. we'll see where that takes me.

let it wash over

Blessid Union Of Souls - I Believe - Blessid Union Of Souls

Peace And Love - Blessid Union Of Souls

tuesday night/wednesday morning epiphany

vulnerability is intimate and when someone is hurting we want to show them that we care. intimacy is a deep connection with someone else, an unpalpable binding. care can be shown through affection. affection can manifest physically. if one has been socialized to believe that care is affection, that affection must be shown physically, physical affection is sexual, and intimacy is played out through physical and sexual connection rather than the emotional, vulnerability can be met with sexual advances. vulnerability can be met with the violence of unwanted sexual advances. vulnerability does not invite violence. this socialization does not excuse this violence, it may be a factor in why it happens but ABSOLUTELY NOTHING excuses the taking advantage of someone's vulnerability. it does not excuse what they did to you, the pain, the confusion, the break of trust.
there is no wonder why vulnerability is so scary, why so many throw up barriers to intimacy. there is also no wonder why so much stregth can be found when one is vulnerable, when one can be completely open and at the mercy of another, at the mercy of the unknown, and thrive.
and damn, you're shining.

"shine' -estelle