She fears Cardiac arrest for the rest of the beats in her heart, whose pace doesn’t yield to its maker
She pipettes the pieces of her heart into Petri dishes
Carefully
Making sure all cells are accounted for
Separating the broken pieces
Assessing their dysfunction
Disinfecting the diseases of her heart
She finds she must have pediatric heart dysfunction
The belief in heteronormative happily ever after since age 3, a clear symptom
Specifically the problem is in the valves
The parts giving rise to movement and stirring the passion and purpose in her blood stream
Aspirating the debris of the passion dead in her veins
She removes the strained trust of long distance and endless thoughts of, “What if?”
She untangles the half-knotted truths and sweeps up the shattered promises cutting away at the flesh
As she tends to the malignant maladies of her heart, she looks for what made it work:
Digital pores purposeful in touch
Fingertips curled like twin fishing hooks tugging at heartstrings reverberating 90s slow jams
The brush of his chapped lips on her sun browned shoulder that summer night in Coronado
And the closeness of his exhale on her neck as she cradled him in sleep when her eyes sought him instead of rest
Everyday she nurses a bioengineer’s ridiculous obsession with love
Pipetting pieces of her heart
Re-growing herself in Petri dishes
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