a good december

decembers have always been good to me. xmas was always complete family time: xmas eve with dad's side sometimes lacking a tree if my crazy auntie was hosting but always good food and family, xmas morning with the immediate family- constantly comparing gifts with my sister, and xmas dinner/night with mom's side- more recently with a bunch of little kiddies runnin around. then december became a month of anniversaries to add to the joyous season. anniversaries that were celebrated until this december. this was supposed to be the hardest month to get through with dead anniversaries and new reunions. but it has turned out to be one that i will always remember with a smile and nostalgic tears. this is all thanks to the homies who got me out and listened when we were in and the family who were always a quiet support offering up excuses to get me out of potential situations where an out might be needed. it has become a month of validation by everyone in my life, even those only there for fleeting moments and from the moments of little cousins fighting to sit in my lap and wanting me to be the only one to help open presents and relatives wanting me to sign my photos.
last night 5 years ago i stayed up all night talking on the phone at the cusp of a love i no longer have and thus i believed the ugliness of grief would squeeze sorrow from my eyes 5 years later. but instead i stayed up until the wee hours of the morning with old friends with the rain as the only water falling. today i anticipated brought in with tears and loneliness and instead it has begun with a late night/early morning phone call with a much loved and beautiful friend. i can't wait for the sun to rise (even if it is hidden by some much needed rain clouds) today. it is going to be a good day. it is a good december.